This is the process of my graduation project done for Srishti Institute of Art, Design and Technology for my Bachelor's in Creative Arts program under the department of Digital Media Arts.
This project was done under the course Unburdening Myths, which was facilitated by Kavita Arvind, Matt Lee and Arpita Bajpeyi.
It's a little long, so be prepared.
TL/DR:
'undecided//' is a project that looks at understanding masculinity in the context of the Mahabharata. Jayesh Joshi puts himself in the shoes of a young Ved Vyas and tries to illustrate between two loose ends. For example, when Yudhishtira loses in the game of dice, the story cuts to exile. Whereas, this project tries to see what could/would have happened if Yudhishtira were to reflect on his actions.
The project has pieces of poetry written for every artwork, which tries to pave a way to the context of the art and the art is followed by a personal experience, which illustrates on the hypocrisy that exists between the artist and the art.
For the artist has the capability to express these emotions in his art, but he lacks the ability to do the same in his own life.
Finally, the result of this project were 8 exclusive single print canvases sized 3x4 feet, a book with 8 artworks, 7 self-written poems and 7 personal experiences.
To buy a canvas painting, or a copy of the book, write to me on jayeshjoshi099@gmail.com.
Introduction.
This project was made as my graduation project
Unburdening a myth is a difficult task. A myth takes centuries to inculcate itself in our lives and learnings. A myth changes its’ weight as time passes and it changes size.
Initially, the myth I wanted to work with was situated in the haunted village of Kuldhara in Rajasthan. I address the switch from a story oriented topic to what I have arrived to
now, later in the book.
Initially, the myth I wanted to work with was situated in the haunted village of Kuldhara in Rajasthan. I address the switch from a story oriented topic to what I have arrived to
now, later in the book.
I decided to work with masculinity and its’ portrayal in the Mahabharata.
The subject of masculinity and its ever-present hypocrisy in how a man acts and reacts in situations against how a man should act and react comes from a lot of different backgrounds – ages, time, areas etc. all affect how they perceive men to be and act. For
me, personally, masculinity has been a grey area. I’ve grown up with broadminded people who accept men for who and how they want to be and their definition of masculinity is
flexible and I’ve also been brought up with and by people who feel that there are a certain set of rules about how a man should be and that masculinity is rigid. I am drawn to this subject because I see men wanting to be men too hard, too much – every day. I see men not crying, I see men not talking about their problems, I see men
only wearing some colours, I see men fighting. And I am all of these men. I am scared to cry, I am scared to talk about my problems, and I am scared of being
stripped off of this masculinity.
me, personally, masculinity has been a grey area. I’ve grown up with broadminded people who accept men for who and how they want to be and their definition of masculinity is
flexible and I’ve also been brought up with and by people who feel that there are a certain set of rules about how a man should be and that masculinity is rigid. I am drawn to this subject because I see men wanting to be men too hard, too much – every day. I see men not crying, I see men not talking about their problems, I see men
only wearing some colours, I see men fighting. And I am all of these men. I am scared to cry, I am scared to talk about my problems, and I am scared of being
stripped off of this masculinity.
For without it, I am weak.
‘Undecided’ is a project that aims to portray the men of the Mahabharata in moments that haven’t been explored in most recreations and representations of the story. These
moments are often sifted over in most tellings, and this project tries to slow down the story and reflect at this particular moment. The project aims to look at events
and moments in the story where I imagine there to be lapses in the masculinity and explorations of emotions and feelings of these characters. Now these moments and
events’ portrayal could be affected by the idea of pre conceived masculinity, and doing otherwise – portraying the characters in a different way – could compromise the
characters role and/or identity. Hence, in this project I try to show the above mentioned hypocrisy in masculinity while placing these supposed expressions of the Mahabharata
against my own personal experiences to illustrate this double standard in the idea and execution of masculinity.
moments are often sifted over in most tellings, and this project tries to slow down the story and reflect at this particular moment. The project aims to look at events
and moments in the story where I imagine there to be lapses in the masculinity and explorations of emotions and feelings of these characters. Now these moments and
events’ portrayal could be affected by the idea of pre conceived masculinity, and doing otherwise – portraying the characters in a different way – could compromise the
characters role and/or identity. Hence, in this project I try to show the above mentioned hypocrisy in masculinity while placing these supposed expressions of the Mahabharata
against my own personal experiences to illustrate this double standard in the idea and execution of masculinity.
The project is a combination of poetry, illustration and writing. The poetry and illustration go hand in hand as one paves the way for the other, but the personal
experience part of the book explores how ideas about pre conceived masculinity affect my actions despite me being aware of the fact that men don’t necessarily need to reflect
against a limited spectrum of feelings. The idea of having a book that doesn’t seem to tie itself up blatantly came to me the night before my second seminar. I was unable to sleep
and I wrote down this thought:
The illustrations follow the chronological timeline and the
event based writings follow an order of clarity – less clear
to more. For the first few pieces the writings may seem like
random tellings but as they go on they illustrate how I grow
into all those men.
to more. For the first few pieces the writings may seem like
random tellings but as they go on they illustrate how I grow
into all those men.
And not depict those emotions and thoughts.
At the end the poem, art and writing all come together to me,
they tell how the incidents/experiences/moments shape who I
am as a man and how the illustrations explore this growth of
these suppressed emotions.
they tell how the incidents/experiences/moments shape who I
am as a man and how the illustrations explore this growth of
these suppressed emotions.
The final product – a book, aims at exploring a very personal space and does not try to cater to a public audience. This is a book that puts my beliefs and my actions face to face
to show me the hypocrisy men like me contribute to. We are molded by our experiences and our company that paves a way for how we choose to project ourselves. Even
when we are pushed against the edge to feel a certain something, we choose to let our masculinity decide how we will act in those situations, rather listening to our feelings.
to show me the hypocrisy men like me contribute to. We are molded by our experiences and our company that paves a way for how we choose to project ourselves. Even
when we are pushed against the edge to feel a certain something, we choose to let our masculinity decide how we will act in those situations, rather listening to our feelings.
"With this book, I’m not trying to make
a public statement. This is a book that
puts my beliefs and my actions face
to face to show me the hypocrisy men
like me contribute to. We are molded
by our experiences and our company
that paves a way for how we choose to
project ourselves. Even when we know
better.
Or worse."
a public statement. This is a book that
puts my beliefs and my actions face
to face to show me the hypocrisy men
like me contribute to. We are molded
by our experiences and our company
that paves a way for how we choose to
project ourselves. Even when we know
better.
Or worse."
Initial Learning.
This, the project about masculinity, wasn’t going to be my first project. Initially, I wanted to make a story book about a haunted village in Rajasthan, named Kuldhara. The
story followed a young sheep herder who wanders into this abandoned village and his experiences. It was a safer choice, considering my pre-production animation background. Although, I decided to go with something more challenging and personal after realising that this project would happen to be one of the most important ones in my life and doing something personal and impactful became a priority.
story followed a young sheep herder who wanders into this abandoned village and his experiences. It was a safer choice, considering my pre-production animation background. Although, I decided to go with something more challenging and personal after realising that this project would happen to be one of the most important ones in my life and doing something personal and impactful became a priority.
I learned a lot of things during the span of this project; The Mahabharata, for example. I had never heard or read any of the stories from this epic and the magnitude and depth of this story really had me overwhelmed for the first few weeks. As I started reading and watching different accounts of the Mahabharata, the intensity of this story became visible. Also, the level at which this story was witnessed made me realise how impactful popular media has been. B. R. Chopra’s Mahabharata can be credited in forming the first large scale male identity standard for the public. Understanding and analysing characters from the Mahabharata became a subconscious activity while watching and reading. Something interesting that I came across that helped concrete my thoughts is followed:
…Does Bhima, too, then with his otherwise feminine traits like kindness
and sensitivity bare out the deepest recesses of his mind in dressing
up like a woman? Is his hyper-masculinity, his martial prowess all
“overcompensation for this latent effeminacy?”(Brodbeck and Black, 212)
It is all worth noticing that throughout the entire exiled period, not for
once do we see him craving for a sexual liaison. He refuses the constant
approaches of other women, including Draupadi. He abstains from
physical proximity with woman. On the contrary, we find him waiting
for Kichaka in his bed, all decked up (though with murderous intentions).
Wendy Doniger, in her book Transsexual Transformations of Subjectivity
and Memory in Hindu Mythology (2014), reads this episode as masked
homosexual desire. A mace fighter, Bhima literally strikes down his
opponent using his mace, a phallic symbol… (Saha and Maitra 2016)
and sensitivity bare out the deepest recesses of his mind in dressing
up like a woman? Is his hyper-masculinity, his martial prowess all
“overcompensation for this latent effeminacy?”(Brodbeck and Black, 212)
It is all worth noticing that throughout the entire exiled period, not for
once do we see him craving for a sexual liaison. He refuses the constant
approaches of other women, including Draupadi. He abstains from
physical proximity with woman. On the contrary, we find him waiting
for Kichaka in his bed, all decked up (though with murderous intentions).
Wendy Doniger, in her book Transsexual Transformations of Subjectivity
and Memory in Hindu Mythology (2014), reads this episode as masked
homosexual desire. A mace fighter, Bhima literally strikes down his
opponent using his mace, a phallic symbol… (Saha and Maitra 2016)
Initially, the project aimed to get information out of other men and women from different demographs and livelihoods on the subject of masculinity. This is also where my
project developed into what it is, now. I made an online survey and following are some insights from the same:
project developed into what it is, now. I made an online survey and following are some insights from the same:
Firstly, more women chose to be a part of this survey.
1Most of the initial research was based around how men feel the need to be manly and how gender roles have an effect of men and women.
This following excerpt from a previously mentioned paper really illustrates the impact of physicality, gender roles on how perception changes.
…this Pandava is always execrated owing to his massive size. “Fat, slow and
stupid” (Sreedharan, 16) – this is precisely how he is looked upon. His physical
uninviting appearance is equated with an overall unappealing character. As
George Hajiam writes, “Our views about bodies aren’t just aesthetic, they’re
moral judgments at the same time. When someone’s body is inconsistent with
the prevailing social convention, as in weight, height and/or shape, that person
is viewed as lacking in self-control and [therefore] self respect” (Hajiam, 2016).
The first woman in the narrative to have fallen for him is Hidimbi, a tribal
girl. Whereas in the original epic, Hidimbi is a rakshashi, Sreedharan, in his
retelling transforms her into an innocuous tribal girl – almost as tall as Bhima,
and her skin, the colour of copper. In a society where intermingling amongst
castes was severely frowned upon, this liaison definitely deserves mention.
It must also be remembered that Hidimbi was never really approved by the
Pandava family. She was never acknowledged as the first wife of the Pandava
clan. (Saha and Maitra 2016)
stupid” (Sreedharan, 16) – this is precisely how he is looked upon. His physical
uninviting appearance is equated with an overall unappealing character. As
George Hajiam writes, “Our views about bodies aren’t just aesthetic, they’re
moral judgments at the same time. When someone’s body is inconsistent with
the prevailing social convention, as in weight, height and/or shape, that person
is viewed as lacking in self-control and [therefore] self respect” (Hajiam, 2016).
The first woman in the narrative to have fallen for him is Hidimbi, a tribal
girl. Whereas in the original epic, Hidimbi is a rakshashi, Sreedharan, in his
retelling transforms her into an innocuous tribal girl – almost as tall as Bhima,
and her skin, the colour of copper. In a society where intermingling amongst
castes was severely frowned upon, this liaison definitely deserves mention.
It must also be remembered that Hidimbi was never really approved by the
Pandava family. She was never acknowledged as the first wife of the Pandava
clan. (Saha and Maitra 2016)
I also tried to gain perspective on this same subject by reading into the answers I received. I was lucky enough to get some inputs on what their understanding of masculinity is.
I put these inputs against statistics and it became clear to me that we do understand masculinity to be flexible and spread over a spectrum, but we do not/cannot accept it when it strays too far from its original meaning.
After gaining a perspective based on people, I watched over 4 different versions of the Mahabharata and read many theories on Quora (not a great source for information, but I found some really interesting theories); which I then confirmed by re-watching or reading about the event in consideration. Although, I still feel there’s a lot I don’t know about this epic. Also, a lot of the image of an alpha male came from movies and popular media – initially. Therefore, there was a lot of feedback based around films and depiction of men in those films. With a wide variety of films to watch, they provided me with a lot of variety and exposure on this subject. After this, there was an abundance of information but most of it was very objective and fact based. The origin of this project was a personal thought and a bunch of personal experiences. Thankfully, I got great feedback for my first seminar and my panel asked me to look deeper into these emotions along with the story of the Mahabharata and treat that as my primary research and the statistics as a secondary resource. A lot of my learnings came from class, thanks to Kavita Arvind who was our main faculty, especially, who made the entire concept of Indian epics something that can be understood in more than one way and just, fun. The masterclasses – although, weren’t all directly contributory to my project – were really helpful in gaining a wider and wholesome perspective regarding the myths of India. Myths of different impact sizes, myths from different regions and myths concerning different mythical figures; and how they all contribute to the larger understanding of what really makes a myth.
Process
While the introspection was an ongoing process - and a very hard one - we were lucky enough to be a part of a lot of masterclasses, which helped us gain different perspectives on the story of Mahabharata and many different local and national mythical tales. Once I had decided to work with poetry and art with the Mahabharata, I started writing and reading a lot of poetry. Initially, the drafts were scrappy and lacked substance. They were fragments of sentences that were trying to say something but eventually failing.
Another challenge that I faced here was drawing men.
I had been drawing women and understanding their anatomy and form for the past couple of years and going back to men required some study and research on both the anatomical technicalities and posture knowledge.
I studied skin, skin tones, muscle density, anatomy and observed light on skin to better my understanding of the male anatomy.
After studying, researching and observing, the look that I had in mind for the visual language can be understood by this mood board; which is divided into three parts:
• Photography
• Treatment
• Visual metaphors and their usage.
Research.
From a project that was just understanding and addressing the initiation of the alpha male image in our society to something which addresses the complexity of the hypocrisy that lies in this society with regards to masculinity, my project had developed a lot. A lot of this understanding came along with researching, studying and understanding the roots of masculinity. Earlier, you read about the survey and its’ answers. Now that my research developed into a more internal and subject centric research, I based most of it on the masculinity area of my project rather than the Mahabharata as I felt I knew enough for me to start with this project. I spoke to different people about masculinity, watched a lot of interesting TED Talks and analysed men on social media. While talking to most people about masculinity above the age of 30, I realised there was a sense of pride in the way they spoke about masculinity. Some of the men I spoke to weren’t conventionally masculine seeming but the way they spoke about their ideas really felt like they wanted me to agree with them. A certain dialogue that I remember for one such conversation was, “everybody can’t be a man, you have to earn it” which literally quantified actions to ones masculinity and manhood. People had set ideas about responsibility, strength, honour and crying. These ideas were debated in a lot of TED Talks that tried to debunk the whole magnitude around masculinity and its’ rigidity. These talks were by people, who either changed how they lived, had experiences that shaped them or were hit by a realisation a little too late. A man’s son committed suicide at the age of 16 because he didn’t condone of his sons sexuality. It took a loss of a son for a man to realise that it probably took all of his sons courage to tell him that about his sexuality, and “courage is the sign of a real man”.
Even men on social media try to sell their manliness underhandedly by posting pictures or statuses which reinforce the idea of their prowess over other man – it’s very much like a jungle. Like a peacock, a man tries to show off whatever he has to offer in hopes of finding a perfect mate (read: validation). Personally, I have always tried to be manly only for validation. As it was important to me to feel validated by it, because of my own self-doubt which originated from a place of doubt put on me by other members of the society and/or my circles. The idea of masculinity pretty much remains the same throughout different sectors of society and strata of livelihoods; education, financial statuses, cultures all different, but beliefs are the same. The rigidity of masculinity is the most flexible thing to explore and a lot of explorations in popular media look at the wide spectrum of masculinity and what it can be rather than what it is. I believe, everyone knows that men can and are free to do what they wish to, but for them these men would cease to be men if they don’t conform to these ideas. With this idea, I decided to reflect myself onto the men of the Mahabharata and see how they would’ve reacted in these moments while also reflecting on how I would really act, which comes out in the personal experiences. My primary and first resource for the Mahabharata was Peter Brook’s film titled, “Peter Brook’s Mahabharata” wherein the cast was multi-racial and wasn’t the most stereotypical of a picking. The way the story was told in that film paved the way to open up the perception of the Mahabharata and depict these characters in something less mono-dimensional and motivated me to look at these characters differently. On the other hand, the first re-telling of the Mahabharata, B.R. Chopra’s Mahabharata was a TV that ran for 3 years and still holds relevance. This account of the Mahabharata was more typical, chunky and easy to digest; the characters were not portrayed with much complexity, the dialogues often only served one purpose – communication in terms of speech – and were delivered in a hollow way. I believe that the reason this TV show still hold relevance after over 5 different TV shows airing in the last 15 years is because it made it easier for the audience to empathise with the characters.
The lack of empathy – in my opinion – makes a character difficult to like and more complex to understand. Villains are usually complex; Lex Luthor for example, is someone who the audience knows more diversely about; they know about his plans, his reasons, etc. Seeing a character develop more makes it difficult for his or her image to cater to a wider audience. This is what I want to do. I want Yudhishtira to be himself. I don’t want the his adjectives to define him. Moving on from the conceptual level to the execution bit of this project, I had an idea of the treatment I would be giving my artwork. I was inspired by a lot of visual artists, photographers and also musicians. Some of them being:
• Sam Spratt
• Ignasi Monreal
• Marta Syrko
• Henrik Adamsen
• Melis Manav
• Kanye West
• Kendrick Lamar
• Frank Ocean
Coming back to thea art, the treatment had to be gritty, textured and grimey with contrasts of colour, softness in terms of the emotion and skin tones being fairly
monotonous. The first step was shooting the models and Megha Singha helped me with the same. The way we prepared each model for his character was by asking them to think
of a situation similar to the character allotted to them. In this process, I would talk to them about their character and ask for them to embody the same. They would then step
out of the room and spend some time as that character and walk into the studio space with no conversation. Music was played to match a certain vibe and then began the
photography. I think it was a very organic process and all thanks to Megha, we were able to photograph 3 to 4 people a day under natural light.
monotonous. The first step was shooting the models and Megha Singha helped me with the same. The way we prepared each model for his character was by asking them to think
of a situation similar to the character allotted to them. In this process, I would talk to them about their character and ask for them to embody the same. They would then step
out of the room and spend some time as that character and walk into the studio space with no conversation. Music was played to match a certain vibe and then began the
photography. I think it was a very organic process and all thanks to Megha, we were able to photograph 3 to 4 people a day under natural light.
L-R (upper row): Himanshu Bilochi as Yudhishtira, Saksham Verma as Duryodhana, Nihal Majithia as Dronacharya, Salman Javeed as Nakula and Sahadeva, L-R (bottom row): Vikram Menon as Eklavya, Sushant Sharma as Arjuna/Brihanalla, Rajiv Kuruvilla as Bhima, Abhinav Sharma as Bhishma, Aadhitya Kota as Krishna, Vishal Srinivas as Karna.
Initially, the project was to feature 10 characters from the Mahabharata, which was later then reduced to 8 due to lack of time and technical equipment.
Development.
After the writing and photography, the visual development of this project went into hyperdrive and I came up with ideas based on my visual cues from the moodboard with
sketches whilst trying to understand the use of visual metaphors. The metaphors were really important as I didn’t want to make the identity of the men of the Mahabharata in
each of the illustrations very clear hence the use of subtle visual metaphors which hint at their identities.
sketches whilst trying to understand the use of visual metaphors. The metaphors were really important as I didn’t want to make the identity of the men of the Mahabharata in
each of the illustrations very clear hence the use of subtle visual metaphors which hint at their identities.
As the project progressed, so did my writing. Earlier it was very transparent that I was writing for the first time. I was very inspired by the layout and alignment of legendary
poet E. E. Cummings. After a lot of feedback on the layout and text options, I decided to go with hand written text for both, the poetry and the personal experiences. The scribbles then became a part of my writing and the visual vibe of the book.
poet E. E. Cummings. After a lot of feedback on the layout and text options, I decided to go with hand written text for both, the poetry and the personal experiences. The scribbles then became a part of my writing and the visual vibe of the book.
The unintentional scribbles in my writing aide an insight into my process. I feel that these faults make my project more personal seeming. That being said, I didn’t make mistakes intentionally for the aesthetic and I let my motor skills do what they do best average. This, on the left is one of initial drafts of a poem.
Layout.
The initial layout of the book saw a very loose relationship with the poetry and the artwork. The entire book was hand-written and followed no particular margin. The aesthetic value of each spread was really high but the usability in terms of readability; was missing.
I tried coming up with different combinations but the aesthetic just didn't seem to click for me.
I tried a lot of handwriting options for my project as there weren’t any visual differences between the handwriting used for the poetry and the handwriting used for the personal experiences, and this led to a less fathomable visual language for the book.
Artwork.
Moving on, the artwork’s language was set and the first step towards that was having sketches. I sketched out most of the characters based on pictures and added additional details such as muscle definition, clothing and jewellery.
To understand clothing, I studied fabric, drapes, armour, metals and also hair. My research was scattered amongst old illustrations of this tale, concept sketches and TV show episodes.
For my final artworks, I decided to work with subtle visual metaphors that referred to earlier or future instances from the characters' timeline. The following is a WIP shot of the painting titled: Duryodhana's Doubt.
Final Artworks.
Now that you have read most of my process (I hope), I would like to share with you, the final 8 artworks of my graduation project, 'undecided'//
Yudhishtira's Loss.
Duryodhana's Doubt.
Nakula and Sahadeva; The Twins Who Saw All.
Dronacharya's Admiration.
A Grieving Bhima.
Arjuna - Brihanalla.
Krishna Meets Karna.
Book Preview.
For a printed copy of the book or an original, single piece 3x4 feet canvas print artwork, write to me on jayeshjoshi099@gmail.com for details on price and shipping.
Srishti Expo 2017
Some shots from the Srishti Expo 2017 which lasted for 4 days where I exhibited my project 'undecided//' to over 2,000 people. You can also see the scale of the artworks.
Photos by Lothika Jha.
Pictures by me and some others from the Srishti Expo 2017.
I would like to especially thank Megha Singha, for helping me with this project for without her I would be direction-less and maybe only half inspired.
Note to those interested in buying the 3x4 feet canvas prints: these are singular, limited and exclusive prints. If you own one, there will be no reprints and you will get a certificate of fine art and ownership.
Thank you.
