Chameleon
An exploration of the selves
An exploration of the selves
“I consider myself to be a chameleon. When I walk into a room full of people, I assess what everyone wants from me and act the way they would want me to. I become who they want me to be.”
“So when are you yourself?”
“There is no me, this is who I am.”
My father said this to my mother, months before their divorce, with a smile. As much as I want to forget my father and his influence on my childhood, I have realized in recent years that I have become more like him than I have ever wanted. Some bits of him I have inherited. some I was able to shake off. But now as I try to become the person I have always wanted to be, he sticks to me through his terrible issues, now becoming mine.
When I walk into a room, I assess. I hate that I do it so I try to keep to myself. I can be many shades of me - all reasonably similar to my own self, but all wrong. My father taught me, and I work hard to forget his lessons. As I struggle, I always remember the influence that he has had on me. In this project I wanted to express and explore this idea in a hope that maybe by trying to document the idea I can gain understanding and relinquish my terrible habit.
In photographing, I tried to capture not only the outward appearance of some of the ‘colors’ I have taken on, but also the inner feeling of being that way. The lighting, poses, and costumes show the clownish nature of pretending, and how desperately fake it feels. The photo of my father stands in each image as a representation of the people whom I change for and the pressure to be something I am not. These images strive to touch upon the complicated dynamics of being a ‘chameleon,’ and why I came to be that way.
“So when are you yourself?”
“There is no me, this is who I am.”
My father said this to my mother, months before their divorce, with a smile. As much as I want to forget my father and his influence on my childhood, I have realized in recent years that I have become more like him than I have ever wanted. Some bits of him I have inherited. some I was able to shake off. But now as I try to become the person I have always wanted to be, he sticks to me through his terrible issues, now becoming mine.
When I walk into a room, I assess. I hate that I do it so I try to keep to myself. I can be many shades of me - all reasonably similar to my own self, but all wrong. My father taught me, and I work hard to forget his lessons. As I struggle, I always remember the influence that he has had on me. In this project I wanted to express and explore this idea in a hope that maybe by trying to document the idea I can gain understanding and relinquish my terrible habit.
In photographing, I tried to capture not only the outward appearance of some of the ‘colors’ I have taken on, but also the inner feeling of being that way. The lighting, poses, and costumes show the clownish nature of pretending, and how desperately fake it feels. The photo of my father stands in each image as a representation of the people whom I change for and the pressure to be something I am not. These images strive to touch upon the complicated dynamics of being a ‘chameleon,’ and why I came to be that way.
