Living / Leaving

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living / leaving

2015
mixed media installation with milk powder
variable dimensions

Ever tried clenching a fist full of milk powder? Milk powder appears to be held securely when scooped with cupped palms. However, it dribbles through your fingers when you tighten your grasp. Traces of it might remain on the fingers, but most would have seeped through your grasp. This intrinsic quality of milk powder serves as a metaphor for me to describe my attempts to grasp the lingering presence of my father, a memory that often comes and goes, slipping away easily...

Living / Leaving is a mixed media installation that incorporates the use of objects, video and text to convey my emotional experiences as a caregiver following the passing of my father. Drawing on my personal experiences, thoughts, emotions and memories, I explore the tension between the living and the leaving, and the absence and presence of my father that persist following his demise. Through my rumination on milk (a material that I engaged frequently with while caring for him), I draw attention to the complex and conflicting emotions encountered in human relationships, family ties and personal loss.

Throughout the course of caring for him, the process of preparing milk was an important and emotional experience. In the final phase of his life, he could no longer take solid food and milk became the best alternative – living solely on a liquid diet. Eventually even a milk diet could not suffice. The milk that provides nourishment and sustenance to many, failed to sustain his life. Hence milk becomes a material for me to tell my story - the resignation and longing that I felt prior and after his departure and the attachment that I grew to have towards the vanilla scent of milk.

Living / Leaving serves as a memorial - a memorial for my father and also a memorial of my experience. It also serves as a closure for myself, giving myself the opportunity to move on from grief. I hope my project is able to create an impact among the audience by allowing them to understand the tensions faced by a caregiver.