Vector Art - Illustrator, Sediments - 041 - Fear 1, 2019
Over the years, I have spent most of my free 'creative' time exploring upon my own personal art practice, documenting multitudes of thought processes around my own life as a queer, trans*, graphic designer and visual artist from Delhi, India. While my art practice has helped me develop some advanced skills in hand-done vector graphics with the help of a Wacom tablet, and express/process a variety of emotions around living a non-conforming gender and sexuality; till now I hadn't shared these works on this profile which I primarily use to demonstrate my professional design works, since my art, though a liberating exercise in itself, deals in subjects deemed 'not safe for work'.
Sediments (2017 - 2019)
Vector Art - Illustrator, 058 - Paradise 1, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 003 - Reality, 2019
Sediments was my second major art project which I finished in 2019. After years of tinkering around on the side, I wanted to invest a dedicated time and energy in diving deep into my own practice and see for myself, what could I make of it if my art was my primary vocation. I saved up money from my full time job as an asst. professor in a reputed design school, which I quit and remained an unpaid visual artist, working on this series of 100+ vector and raster artworks for almost two years.
Vector Art - Illustrator, 004 - Mirror, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 022 - Bath 3, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 033 - Transform 4, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 033 Transform 5, 2019
At the heart of it, Sediments is a love letter to the history of my body and gender. Having grown up as an effeminate male bodied queer individual; it took me 28 years to finally take ownership of my transfeminine identity. We live in a culture where your individual existence is a fair game for everyone to comment upon. How you look. How you speak. How you behave. Or simply, how you be. When I hadn't yet learned that I would have to perpetually remain in the fight-mode, just to let my femininity breathe in its own form; I absorbed all kinds of messages that were communicated to me actively or passively. But there were always some specific words, that managed to pierce through my flesh, which sank into the depths of my sub-conscious and settled there for eternity. Layers upon layers upon layers. Before we even begin to understand how we would wish to determine our gender, we comprehend it first through everyone else's perception of us, until we figure how to deconstruct it. Sediments was my eighteen month expedition, to deep dive into my past, and dig into those memories. To find an answer. What is my identity?
Vector Art - Illustrator, 037 - Elysium, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 042 - Fear 2, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 043 - Fear 3, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 044 - Fear 4, 2019
The most challenging memories were of my various encounters with abuse, violence and violation. Memories that we lock up in a rusty trunk and recurrently put off ever dealing with. I realized quite early on, that to don this femininity upon my skin, I would have to adapt around and against cultures of toxic masculinity that objectifies all forms of femininity, viciously so, that of trans bodies. No one taught me how to be a transfeminist, except for my own lived realities. And the art I create to air my indignation. Sediments is my meditation. To sit in front of a screen for hours on end; drawing, rendering and composing some of the most brutal lessons I was taught by life; I forced myself to confront every trauma, telling myself, this time, you can't look away from its ugliness. To purge it from my system, to encase it with my strokes and colors, and to figure out, how to move on and find some form of closure.
Vector Art - Illustrator, 089 - The Rip, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 103 - A Binary World, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 105 - Wisdom, 2019
Most importantly, Sediments is my tribute to love. All forms of it. Be it affectionate words of wisdom from my queer family, or be it unexpected words of random reality checks from friends and strangers, or be it appreciative words of admiration from lovers. To desire, and be desired, are treasures I adorn upon the pedestal of my hope and happiness. Memories of love are what we cling on to, to sustain our queerness and survive long enough to leave a landmark, that we existed.
Vector Art - Illustrator, 094 - Morph 5, 2019
Vector Art - Illustrator, 107 - Glory Box, 2019
If you would like to view the complete project, you could follow the link below. Though half of the artworks contain texts in English, Hindi and Bengali typography, I have provided translations in the captions wherever I could. Please be warned, the work deals in queer erotica, so there's a lot of nudity and sexual imagery. Also a trigger warning, some artworks depict sexual abuse and violence. The entire piece takes around 20-30 minutes to view and read. Best viewed on larger screens. ♥
Vector Art - Illustrator, Bumble Bee Like - 1 & 2, 2021
This was a nine slide long swipe post for my Instagram page, a satire on online dating cultures. Cis het men commonly match with trans femme profiles, with the intent of "experimenting" with their sexual boundaries. Which is fine in theory. The problem is, that is the only lens with which we are perceived by them — as sexual objects, meant for their experimentation. Without bothering to engage in any congenial conversation to get acquainted with us or get to know us as individuals, they immediately jump to intrusive questions about our anatomy and sexual capabilities, as if we are being interviewed for sexual eligibility to serve straight men. Often amongst us, we joke about how, wouldn't it be great, if men had to furnish performance certificates that vouched for whether they possessed the fundamental experience in demonstrating some basic human decency?
Vector Art - Illustrator, Bumble Bee Like - 3, 2021
Vector Art - Illustrator, Bumble Bee Like - 6, 2021
Vector Art - Illustrator, Bumble Bee Like - 8, 2021
Raster Art - Painter, Shakuntalam - 12, 2015
