Almost everyone has been through a phase wherein they think about their purpose in life. Some may have regenerated over this stage while others are still figuring it out. When deliberating about it, thoughts are often centered on passion, recreations, and skills. Identifying those will assist in identifying what an individual is meant to do. It is through those that will allow us to discover what we are meant to impart to the people around us or what we should contribute to the world. On the other hand, some may not even perceive it this way–that life does not have any deeper meaning. It is simply fulfilling day-to-day duties and achieving success. It is more about the matter of surviving than living. However, this entirely depends on the individual’s status in life–our perspectives are centered on our life position. This dictates how we act in or view the environment we are in. Yet there is that subconscious knowing of our soul’s nature–often left undone or unanswered.

I have gone through this phase over the years. I kept searching for the meaning of life and what I am meant to be in it. Writing became my outlet; I would write down my ideas, thoughts, and feelings. This served as a release of emotions when I’m bombarded with a surplus of it. I would even write about my dreams from the night before. I would take note of the symbols and search for their meaning online. This helped me rationalize what the universe was trying to tell me or what my subconscious wanted me to know. I choose to believe in this even though there is no proven theory of it. This phase had only lapsed during the pandemic. Having a lot of time to reflect allowed me to have a clearer version of myself. I learned and relearned a variety of viewpoints. One of which is my spirituality. Being a Filipino, I was raised with Catholic values. Our household firmly believed in Catholicism–we used to go to mass every Sunday and celebrate its holy days. I was enrolled in a Catholic school from elementary to high school where praying the holy rosary was done almost on a daily basis. I had instances wherein I doubted whether Jesus was real and if all the stories in the Bible were true. I had plenty of questions that even traditionalists could not answer–“Just believe in Him” they would say. Because I grew up in that environment, I did not have as much freedom to think outside of our religion. I feared denying the truth behind Catholicism because I was scared that Jesus might punish me as it was considered a sin. That is what we were taught. Indeed, I was able to get past this stage due to all the times of reflection I’ve had. This is also when I discovered another religion that existed the longest–Hinduism. I felt an instant connection as I was able to easily realign my perspectives and values to it. I am still in the process of learning more about it but I am also aware that I am not really a religious person. There is a difference between being spiritual and religious. I do not conform myself in certain practices, I simply do what I feel would foster my growth or make me feel more present at that moment.

It is an act of listening to my intuition. The more I connect to myself deeply, the more I get to know the inner me. In going through that phase of figuring out my soul’s nature, I realized that I was actually walking myself home. Each time I reflected served as a step closer to my soul. I finally understood that I felt lost because I wasn’t truly listening to my inner voice. I allowed the definition of society and the rules I grew up in to dictate how I approached life. Releasing myself from that cycle is still one of the biggest achievements I have attained. Something intangible that I would always have high regard for. I am now back home. Hence, the soul’s nature will stay until it’s awakened–it doesn’t matter how long it takes an individual to figure or not figure it out, it will remain.