EXDS2012
Oil on Canvas, 2020
with the installation of 1 steel chair, 1 medium size plastic chair,
1 small plastic bangkito, and a Cane
121.92 cm x 91.44 cm [48 in x 36 in]
The vibrant display of colors can easily be seen in the picture and the thick strokes and layering of paint makes it look like moving. The drippings of blue going down below the canvas that appears to be melting away. The plants unreal yet so alive. The space is so huge and in that little corner where you can spot three chairs and a cane with a single flower on it. A certain feeling might run through your heart and in your head. The picture is vibrant and living yet there is an emotional recurring thought that something is missing.
The title came from Exodus 20:12, a verse from the bible that my sister always tells me whenever I disagree with our parents. In that verse, the Lord is saying to us that we should honor our parents because he promises that if we do that we shall have a long life in this land. In the picture, I subjected what I see every day inside our house when we lost our parents. A very present memory of longing for something lost that will never return. And through this picture, I intentionally want to represent that hurdle of emotions that I’m feeling who lost someone who raised and gave us life. A chaotic stroke of paint and drips that formed like callouses that represent overflowing emotions from within, that I can’t put into words after three consecutive losses. A home that used to feel small and peaceful suddenly felt so noisy, empty, and desolated. The plants that Mom left now became a symbol to me about in gratitude for the life they have provided for us. It gave us new hope for new beginnings. The chairs and the cane they used when they were still here suddenly became a remembrance of how they spent their last days. Happy and relaxed. An offering of a sunflower in their chair from me to tell them that we are okay and we will live life and will not forget all the things they have taught us. Through this picture, I want to honor them in the venue they are going to be exhibited. Peace in my mind that at least a memory of my parents was in an exhibit. I have a hard time releasing the tension of loss and outpouring sadness from within because I had a very short time with them and I wish there were more time. But it is what it is. And our lives are only borrowed from God. And we can’t control things that will happen or can happen.
EXDS2012 is an expression of continuous mourning and a road to recovery from suddenly losing my parents. How home can be redefined by loss. A question to ourselves as to how are we moving forward with loss and how do we deal with it. I believe the world has a lot to offer in our hands but to serve our parents until the end is one of the most beautiful things I learned in life. And I believe one of the greatest traits of our culture as a Filipino is that we give importance to relationships and family especially to our parents. And I believe that is one of the best trait of being us, Filipinos.
